


The Lies We Tell Ourselves

by orphan_account



Category: CWRPS
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-21
Updated: 2011-03-21
Packaged: 2017-10-17 03:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written in response  to the prompt : Jared's a bartender, Jensen's a workaholic who lets loose on Saturday nights. Lots of chances for drunken confession.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lies We Tell Ourselves

_  
**  
**   
_   


 

The first time he's alone and he looks exhausted. He drinks tequila shots like it's the only liquid he's had all week. Who knows maybe it is. Jared thinks it's a shame a guy that hot is drinking alone so he smiles and talks to him while the guy sits at the bar, knocking them back.  
“Jensen” the guy says holding his hand over the bar to shake .  
“Jared “ he says back, along with a big warm smile.

  
Jensen comes in the Saturday after that  orders a beer and a burger and sits at a table . He works and reads and eats until a gorgeous redhead sits down and says  "Go home and get some sleep jack-ass" he bitches and grumbles while he packs up his papers stuffing them into a briefcase. He drops bills on the table and follows the red head out, nodding to Jared on the way by.

 

After that Jensen's in a couple Saturdays a month and never alone. He's not like any of the other regulars who come in a couple of nights a week after work to blow off steam. Jensen only comes in every couple of weeks. He shows up with a group of regulars from one of the big towers up the block. His eyes are always tired and pinched, he's  wound tight and ready to fall over. By the end of the night he always looks a little looser but still really fucking tired. Jared can't help but notice.  
Jensen buys so many  rounds  every time he comes in it's like he's making up for the times when he's too busy working to drink. The two of them  always chat while Jared pours. For some reason their first round is usually a mixed bag of shooters and it takes him a while. Jared's good but you can only pour a B-52 so fast.

Over the course of several weeks they progress from “What'll it be?” to “You watch the cowboys get whooped again ?” Just another regular. Except he's not really, he's something special. Jared noticed him the first time he came in and he keeps right on noticing. It's pretty hard  not to.

When Jensen shows up they always talk. It's only every couple of weeks and it's mostly Jared listening but he starts looking forward to it. He knows that’s probably a mistake but can't really help himself.

One time he hears about Jensen's dick of a boss who has these completely unrealistic  expectations  and doesn't have a fucking clue were _his_ job starts and Jensen's job ends . "Stupid fucker doesn't have a _clue_ how to find files on his own desk! But _I'm_ supposed to be able to quote quarterlies _he_ wrote!"

He hears about the bosses receptionist who has some odd ideas about personal boundaries. “She asked me for advice on lingerie, for Christ sake!” She apparently thinks Jensen _wants_ to hear about her plan to seduce the fat bald asshole they both work for. Jensen _shudders_ when he tellsJared about it. Jared can't hold in a laugh. 

He hears about the pretty blond who is always hitting on him “ How do I get her to stop asking me out? ” even though he has made it crystal fucking clear under no circumstance would he engage in an office romance. “ When I told her I'm not really into women she looked like a shark going after a school of tuna!” Jared had to work really hard not to grin like an idiot at that one. ' I knew it!' he thinks to himself.

He hears about deadlines so tight Jensen feels like he can't breath.

He hears how much it pisses Jensen off that he there is no time to have a life, even if Jensen never really articulates that one fully.

He hears about how shitty Jensen feels when he realizes he not only missed his nephews birthday but forgot it entirely. “ God! I don't know how I'm gonna make it up to him!" he says with real sadness. " An apology isn't worth shit when your 6 and disappointed.”

He hears about how Jensen wishes he'd done something useful with his education besides “turning into a fucking drone and feeding the money machine”. Jared thinks about his own stalled degree and working in a bar to make ends meet.

It's all in 5 or 10 minute increments, until Jensen takes the drinks back to his table. Jared tells himself it doesn't mean anything. He's a bar tender for fucks sake people tell him weird personal shit all the time. It doesn't feel like that though. It feels like _more_. It feels real.

 

Then Jensen comes in, mid week, alone. He sits at the bar and talks to Jared and has a nice leisurely beer. It's just Jensen and he's not in all-out party mode. Just having a beer middle of the week. They talk football, Jensen has burger, two guys shooting the shit.

It happens again the next week and then twice the week after that. Jared really likes it. A lot. Having Jensen to himself for a hour. The bar is pretty slow when he comes in , the timing couldn't be better.

He finds out how much they have in common : siblings (older over-achieving brother, younger hell raising sister), Texas and how much they love their Mommas, taste in music ( A little metal , a little country, zero tortured emo crap), Movies they've seen and still want to see. It feels like... getting to know each other seeing if there is anywhere this could go. He isn't the least bit surprised really. He couldn't hardly miss it, this having a _thing_ for Jensen.

The week after Jensen only makes in once, middle of the week during the day. It almost feels like having lunch together the way a date would feel. Jensen can only stay long enough for lunch but they still talk and have a laugh. “ See you” Jensen says when he heads back to work. Jared smiles big and says “Yeah!” he really means ' God I hope it's soon'.

Jared's working the weekend . Of course. When isn't he?  The band "Kane" is playing there again. The place is packed. Jensen is in with people from work. The table is packed . At the end of the first set Jensen heads up to get a round.

“ Hey !” he says smiling big when he sees Jared.

 "Hey" Jared says grinning "I didn't really expect to see you in here!"  Jared says almost shouting to be heard.

“ This place is fucking packed!” Jensen looks around a little stunned.

“ Yeah well  Kane is a big hit with this crowd!” Jared's pouring shots for all he's worth but he's still talking to Jensen.

“ Don't say that too loud!” Jensen laughs “  The little fuckers head gets any bigger it'll pop!”

"You know them?" Jared asks finishing up the shooters.

"Hell yeah " says Jensen pulling out his wallet to pay " Chris and I go way back" He waves away his change and leans in to be heard  “ I'll talk to you later” Jensen says with a warm smile, then grabs the shots and heads over to the table, looking back once still  grinning.

Jared doesn't really have time for it, but he still thinks 'This is real. This is something' He knows it's true.

The place is still fucking _humming_ by the time the band is done their third and last set. Jared has been at a dead run the whole time and has only seen Jensen through the crowd. The bar is packed, the table at the back is swamped, and Jared is just hooking up another keg when the lead singer comes up to buy a round.  
“What can I getcha? “ Jared asks  
“ Round of tequila shots! “ Kane tells him “ Oh and the girls want some of those candy corn shooters.”

Jared just smiles even though the fucking things are a pain in the ass to make. The boss likes them, lower alcohol content, same high price. Jared can crank them out really fucking fast.

 

“Jesus!” Kane says when Jared is done ”Jen wasn’t kidding. your a pretty fucking awesome bar-tender” he grins looking kind of impressed, drops a pile of 20`s on the bar, walks away without his change. Jared’s not sure why but something about the exchange rubs him the wrong way.  
The table buys a few more rounds but it's never Jensen who comes up to get them. Jared can't really help the way his eyes drift over to their table, looking for him. They are having a blast. Jared is busy as hell but finds himself looking anyway. He's glad to see Jensen cutting loose with his friends. The guy works way too hard.  
And then... Jared really doesn't _want_ to look  anymore. Kane has had his arm draped around Jensen's shoulder half the night, which weird , but whatever. Jared would have sworn Kane is totally straight until he sees him pull Jensen in and plant a kiss on his temple. It's pure adoration he sees in the mans eyes .They're both grinning a mile wide and laughing.  
Jared feels like kind of an idiot. Or, you know, a _complete_ idiot. He's got a crush on some guy that thinks he's a good bar-tender. A guy with a talented good-looking _boyfriend_. A guy that was just being friendly and looking for someone to listen, like the friendly bar-tender down the street. He can't believe he almost had himself believing he and Jensen had something going on.

He closes his eyes for a second thanking ...whoever, that he didn't do anything stupid over the last couple of weeks when Jensen was in here all the time. Something ridiculous like tell him how great he looked, or oh god even ask him out. He'd almost done just that. That would have been really fucking awkward.  
   
The only thing worse than maybe having Jensen laugh in his face would have been having Jensen let him down easy while telling him he was already seeing someone. Jensen was nice enough to be really sweet about it.

  
 It's the most Jared can do to keep from screwing up drinks and and maybe stop his face from bursting in to flame. It's not the first time Jared has been a complete and total idiot so he's had some practice at keeping it together when he just wants to fall through a hole in the floor.

  
 Jared keeps working, doesn't look over, just works at getting through his shift. By the time things have quieted down some. the stock behind the bar is getting pretty low. Sherri covers the bar while Jared goes to storage and starts racking up cases to bring out front on the dolly.

Jared has a lot of practice talking himself into shit. It's not really lying to yourself. It's .. a survival technique. Hell he'd almost talked himself into being crazy about Jensen. Good thing it isn't like that since Jensen's really just some guy who comes in for a drink and to shoot the shit with a friendly bartender at his favorite watering hole.

  
For the first time since he started working here Jared is grateful for the fact that it's his job to restock Saturday night. He can spend the rest of his shift completely absorbed in heavy lifting and counting, and not thinking about shit while Sheri deals with their clientele.

When Sherri comes back a while later to tell him his friend wants to tell him good night Jared says “ Tell him I'm swamped .” Sherri doesn't call him on it even though he knows she can smell bullshit a mile away. She just nods and leaves him to it.

By the time every single bottle that could be restocked _is_ restocked, last call is long past and there are only a couple of old guys left nursing flat beers. Jensen's table is long gone, thank god. Without a word Jared starts putting up chairs while Sherri cashes out.

 

*

 

Monday he'll talk to Jerry about switching his shifts around a little. He needs to start thinking more seriously about what the fuck he's even doing.

 

*

 

It's almost a month before Jared sees Jensen again.

 

Jared ended up working fewer hours at the bar because no one wanted to switch shifts. They'd _take_ shifts, but didn't want to give up any. It was fine really. He was ready to start working more normal hours any way.

Jared's pretty sure he's going to make the fall semester this year and he can't work nights _and_ stay awake in class.

 

The coffee place he liked needed someone full time through until the fall. He could even pull short part-time shifts there after the semester started. The tips were decent and he could get used to sleeping at night again before school started.

 

It all worked out.

 

 

If he hadn't been an idiot about that whole ...Jensen.... thing he might have just kept right on working at the bar indefinitely. It's fine. It didn't even feel like a total lie when he said it out loud. What ever . Moving on.

 

He's down to Friday & Saturday at the bar and up to 5 days a week at the coffee place. He missed the first weekend after the Kane show because of some stomach/flu thing . But the next 3 he worked. The fourth Jensen came in with his work pals.

 

Jared's had a month. He isn't a pathetic loser who moons over guys he can't have . It isn't that big a deal. Jensen's just some guy. With a boyfriend. He thinks you're a good bartender. You're not even really friends.

 

Jared has that dialogue on continuous play inside his head right up until Jensen spots him and fucking    
_grins_   
at him. Like he'd missed Jared . Or something. The fucker. '   
_You_   
don't get to miss    
_me.'_   
he thought ' Not like I-'  O-K-  cutting that thought off at the knees! 

 

Jensen comes over all smiles “Hey Jared!”   He's buying first round just like always.

 

“ Jensen.Hey. What can I get'cha? ” Jared asks in the same tone he uses on everyone who comes in. Friendly, unaffected smile firmly in place. Just the right amount of distance, not too familiar. Just another customer, just some guy.

 

“Uh” Jensen falters like he forgets what he was gonna say “ Tequila... shot's.... I guess” he looks puzzled. “ How the hell have you been man? “Jensen wants to know while Jared is pouring the shots and slicing limes .

 

“Good” Jared says trying to be distracted by what he's doing and not by the fact that Jensen looks tired and bewildered. “ How's work?” trying to sound occupied with other shit instead of completely interested. How fucking stupid is it that he missed listening to some guy bitch about his asshole boss?

 

“Work's ... uh good” Jensen says and Jared knows he shouldn't feel disappointed, but he kind of does any way.

 

“ Oh” he says “ Well that's ..uh … good then” OK so he _is_ a pathetic loser after all, because at this point Jared can admit he'll take boring stories about work if that's all he can have. He didn't even make it the 5 minutes it takes to do a few tequila shots.

 

He and Jensen stand there staring at each other for a couple of seconds before Jared gives his head a fucking shake and says “ That'll be 22.50 ”

 

Jensen hands over the cash and heads back to the table without his change. No looking back this time.

 

This is really gonna suck.. He can't quit, Jared _needs_ the tips he earns on the weekend. He doesn't have enough saved  to go back to school without it.

 

It turns out he can only successfully lie to himself about what this is and how he feels if Jensen isn't around to distract him from his coping mechanisms. Like avoiding him. Or telling himself they're not really friends. Or that Jensen is anyone special.

 

Maybe he can find a job tending bar somewhere _else_ within walking distance of his apartment. Not fucking likely. Maybe Jensen and his work pals will find somewhere else to drink.

 

It's a pretty busy Saturday night which Jared is thankful for. He has a lot to do. If he looks at the table in the back it's only out of the corner of his eye so it doesn't really count. Jensen doesn't come up to buy a round again. Jared mutters “schizophrenic jack-ass” at himself when he realizes he's relieved _and_ disappointed

 

They are slamming back shots and laughing loud. Jared thinks it must have been a rough week for all of them. He tries to smother the whisper that says that's probably why Jensen looks so tired. It's obviously gonna be a long night. He does his job and tries not to look .

 

Jared  eventually goes into the back to roll out a keg and when he gets back Jensen's table is empty. Sherri is over there picking up glasses and wiping  things down.

 

Jared doesn't feel relief as much as he feels like kicking himself in the head. He looks down at his hands while he works and tries not to hear the litany of “should have's “ in his head.

He is polishing glasses and furiously not thinking when someone slides onto the seat right in front of him.

 

Jared's taking a moment when he hears “ So did you see the Cowboys get whooped again?”

 

It's Jensen.

 

He's bleary eyed and clearly toally hammered. Jared can't ever remember seeing him well and truly drunk. Like ever. 6 months he's been coming in here and never got past feeling _really_ good.

 

Jensen doesn't look like he's feeling good now, _at all_. He looks exhausted.

 

Jared realizes Jensen is waiting for an answer but he can't find one that isn't “ You shouldn't work so hard.” or “let me take you home and give some soup or maybe a hand-job” so instead he says nothing.

 

“I don't get it” he hears Jensen say .

 

Jared keeps on polishing glasses like it's nothing “ What, the Cowboys?” goes for humor rather than take a chance on anything else.

 

“No man “ Jensen says exasperated “ THIS.” he gesture to Jared then himself. “ I thought...” he doesn't finish his sentence just sort of sways on the stool a little and blinks at Jared. “Just... I got so used to hanging out with you. I..” he's clearly have some issues with coherent thought for a second then suddenly just plows onward.

 

“I figured we were going somewhere with this. I – I thought we were friends! “ He's waving his hands and for a second Jared is afraid he is going to fall off the bar stool.

 

Jared makes a half-assed grab to steady him over the bar but Jensen is wound up and oblivious and just keeps going “We talk about all kinds of shit, our families and music, we hang out. I mean I know one of us is always working and we only hang out in the bar but it's still hanging out, right?” He looks so disappointed and now Jared feels like an asshole for not just being his friend instead of all the other shit he wants.

 

” I thought you _liked_ hanging out with me. I like hanging out with _you_. Like _really_ like it." Jensen runs his hands through his hair like he's just getting started.

" You're smart and funny and kind. God _knows_ you're hot as fuck. You always seemed so glad to see me , though who fucking knows why. I'm kind of a cranky prick and I bitch about my job all the time. But you _always_ listened. I know,  I know – you're a bartender it's your job to listen but .. it seemed like you _really_ listened. Not like you were being polite or doing your job or whatever but like you-” he stops suddenly and pulls in a breath. Which good fucking thing because he's gotta be running low on oxygen.

When Jared tries to get a word in edgewise Jensen just starts talking again.”I was so _sure_ this was something. I was going to ask you out! There was supposed to be dating and kissing and shit! Maybe even blowjobs! I mean why the hell do you think I started coming in here all the time? I don't actually _like_ tequila that much. I mean yeah OK I like it! And god knows I need some help unwinding some times but- I didn't come in here because I like the beer and the burgers and shit. I came in here because I like YOU!” and suddenly Jensen stops talking … like he can't think of anything else to say. Which, considering how much he _did_ say, yeah.

It occurs to Jared it's probably his turn to talk. “Huh.'  It's maybe not his best timing on being a tongue-tied idiot. Give a him a break! That's a lot to process at once!

Jared tries again “I thought you had a boyfriend.” He can deal with all the other stuff Jensen said once they deal with this one. Although frankly his brain is still kind of dancing gleefully around the words “kissing” & “blow-jobs”.  Still boyfriend is a pretty important word too.

“Well I was Fucking **trying**!” Jensen says , exasperated and clearly trying not to yell “ But then you changed your shifts!"

"Wait" Jensen stops talking long enough to process what Jared said " Why would you think I had a boyfriend ?"

Jared tries not to sound like a tool when he says " Because that guy... Kane.. kissed you?"

Jensen looks a little sick to his stomach " Well that's just... EW!" he thinks about another second " I'm gonna kick that fuckers ass when I see him again!"

Jensen seems like he's maybe gonna get distracted by how pissed off he is at his friend and  Jared does the only smart thing he can think of. He leans across the bar and kisses Jensen. As a tactic for both distracting him and shutting him up it is singularly effective.

 

 


End file.
